Nuts & Bolts: Putting Rewards To Action
Please read the blog post on pitfalls before you create your child’s reward system.
You will have the most success if you choose one behavior target at a given time. Follow the guidelines here for how to define a behavior target.
You will also be more effective if you “activate” the reward system at specific times in the day or if you catch your child by surprise with a reward. Reward systems that run all day or require the child to attain all-day perfection don’t work.
For example, if you want to reward your child for having a full day of “gentle hands and feet” and your child is aggressive at noon, you’ve blown the power of the reward system for the rest of the day. It is better to tell your child, “I’m activating the marble jar for the next 10 minutes while you play with your sister – let’s see how well you can show me gentle hands and feet.” In this example, you can have siblings jointly earn marbles for a shared reward.
Feel free to grant marbles and stickers outside of the announced activation periods – these surprises will be powerful! You might find that your child asks you to activate the reward system or asks for marbles after engaging in the desired target behavior. These are great signs, and you can generously reward at these times.
Be sure to accompany marbles and stickers with specific praise and delight.
Another way that you can boost the impact of your reward system is to use “bonuses,” “double points,” and “jackpots.” Jackpots are when you surprise your child with bountiful marbles, points, or stickers after your child shows the desired behavior.
If you are using a marble jar, have a line around the jar at the half-way point where your child earns an interim prize. Have a bigger prize at the ready when the jar is full. You can apply this concept to stickers and points. Fun Fact: For many preschoolers, the sticker is, in and of itself, a reward.
Preschoolers and elementary school children will need the immediate feedback of a marker such as marbles and stickers. Teenagers can probably hang in there for a week to build on their successes and enjoy some goodies on the weekend (although you could also build in smaller daily rewards). In this case, you might set up different levels of reward depending on what your teen achieves. For example: “If you have your homework in on time for 3 out of 5 days, you can earn x on the weekend…4 out of 5 days will get you an additional reward…5 out of 5 days will get you to a higher level of reward.”
Remember to include your child or teen in planning the rewards.
Social and activity rewards usually involve low- or no-cost experiences. You might expand on existing privileges or offer creative and novel experiences. Examples of social and activity rewards include:
Specific, genuine praise (this tends to have a more potent impact when the child is caught by surprise by the praise)
Extra screen time (a clear favorite for many)
A living room or backyard “camp-out” (with s’mores!)
Play “room-service” where your child gets to watch a movie in bed while you serve them dinner on a tray (this tends to be a big hit)
Later bed-time on a specific night
Extra stories at bedtime
Choosing the dinner menu
Driving privileges
Tangible rewards might involve prizes, toys, gadgets, and experiences that cost money. Examples of tangible rewards:
Small toys
Lego “dollars” or sets
New clothing
Going to the movies
Going out for ice cream
Candy
Further Reading About Reward Systems:
The Kazdin Method For Parenting the Defiant Child, by Alan Kazdin
Don’t Shoot the Dog, by Karen Pryor
