Does your child insist, "Only Mommy can tuck me in!" or "I want Daddy to make my sandwich!" If so, you're not alone. Many families go through phases where kids seem to "play favorites" with one parent. This can be cute at first—even flattering—but over time, it can create stress in the home and confusion for kids. Kids who are inflexible may even explode if their parents do not go along with the child’s preference.

This blog post explains why it's important to notice and gently guide these behaviors. I will talk about why kids need relationships with both parents, why parents—not kids—need to be in charge, and how keeping roles flexible helps everyone thrive.

Why Do Kids Play Favorites?

It is normal for kids to prefer one parent over another at times. Young children are learning how to form relationships, and it's common for them to become strongly attached to the parent who spends more time with them or does more of the comforting. Sometimes, kids choose favorites because of the way one parent plays with them, disciplines them, or even how that parent reacts to their emotions.

But while it’s normal, it’s not always helpful. Over time, playing favorites can make the non-preferred parent feel rejected, and it can teach children to divide their parents instead of seeing them as a team.

1. Kids Need Relationships with Both Parents

This shows a child with two parents in Seattle, Washington to show how a parent coach at Child and Teen Solutions can help families to achieve balance

Children grow best when they have strong, loving relationships with both parents. Each parent brings something special to the table. One might be great at helping with homework, while the other might be an expert at calming nerves before bedtime. Kids benefit from a variety of relationships, and limiting those connections can interfere with social and emotional growth.

When kids insist on having only one parent do certain things, they miss chances to connect with the other parent. That can lead to feelings of loneliness for the parent who’s left out and puts extra pressure on the one who is favored. Over time, it can lead to frustration and resentment in the family.

Helping kids build strong relationships with both parents is like giving them a double set of tools for life. They learn how to trust, how to accept help from different people, and how to work through everyday conflicts in healthy ways.

2. Parents Are in Charge, Not the Kids

It’s easy to fall into the habit of letting a child call the shots when it seems harmless. After all, if it makes bedtime easier or gets them out the door faster, why not let them pick who helps?

The problem is, when children are allowed to decide who does what in the household, it teaches them that they are in control of the grown-ups. This may sound harmless, but it can lead to bigger challenges down the road.

Children feel safest when their parents are working together and leading the way. When kids are in charge, it can actually make them feel anxious or overwhelmed. They may not have the words to say it, but they sense that the adults have stepped back—and that can feel scary.

Keeping the structure of the household clear helps everyone. That means both parents share responsibilities, make decisions together, and support one another. Kids learn that while their feelings are important, they don’t run the show. This leads to more cooperation, better behavior, and stronger family bonds.

3. Healthy Households Need Flexible Roles

This shows a house with hearts coming out of the chimney to show how child therapists at Child and Teen Solutions in Seattle, Washington can help families to restore harmony

Let’s face it: family life is busy. If only one parent can do every bedtime, every meal, or every car ride, that creates a stressful and fragile routine. Life happens—one parent might need to work late, go to an appointment, or simply need a break.

When roles are flexible, kids can adjust more easily. They learn to trust that either parent can care for them, help them, or provide comfort. This makes transitions smoother, routines more manageable, and the whole family more resilient.

Flexibility also allows parents to support one another. If both parents can handle any task, neither one gets burned out. And when children see that their parents work as a team, they learn important lessons about partnership, cooperation, and respect.

What Can Parents Do?

If your child is in a “Mommy-only” or “Daddy-only” phase, it’s okay. It’s a chance to provide guidance toward more balanced relationships. Here are a few tips:

Prioritize fun activities with the “non-preferred” parent. Plan a fun outing or just some quiet playtime one-on-one.
Stick to a team approach. Let your child hear you and your partner supporting each other: "Mommy and I both know how to help you get cozy at bedtime."
Rotate roles when possible. Even small changes—like switching who brushes teeth or reads stories—help break the pattern.
Use Visual Supports. For some children, their inflexibility is less about who they prefer and more about needing things to be routine. Some children melt down when one parent picks them up from preschool when they were expecting the other parent. Create a photo image of each caregiver, laminate it, then put this into the child’s lunchbox as a reminder. You can also add this to a schedule board to show who is doing bedtime that night.

When Limit Setting is Needed

The tips above may or may not do the trick. Strong willed, inflexible, or emotionally intense children may need more. This is where limit setting comes into play. Effective limit setting is a key predictor of good mental health outcomes in kids. Both partners need to be on the same page for this to work. Consider preparing your using the following script:

We’ve been caught up with this pattern of daddy always doing your bedtime. But we both want to be a part of this special time with you. We realize that it’s better for parents, not kids, to make these decisions. So from now on, we’ll be switching who does your bedtime.

You’ll need to adapt this script to the circumstances and your child’s developmental level. When it comes to inflexible kids, it’s best to avoid springing anything on them. It can help to add something to the effect of - We will keep the usual routine for this week, and then on Saturday we’ll start making these changes.

Will your child accept the change right away? Highly unlikely! If you happen to have an explosive child, expect an intense response at first. Most kids will come around when parents follow these tips:

Make a plan to weather the extinction burst.
Do not explain yourself any further.
Keep calm and consistent.
Stay the course.

Final Thoughts

This shows two dad's reading a book to their daughter to show how parenting therapists in Seattle Washington work with a diverse range of families.

It's natural for kids to go through phases of wanting one parent more than the other. But when it becomes a regular pattern, it's important to guide things back into balance. Children need strong relationships with both parents, a clear sense of structure, and the ability to adapt to life’s changes. With loving leadership from both parents, kids learn that they are deeply cared for—and that their parents are a united team who are there to guide them, not the other way around.

Parenting Support at Child and Teen Solutions (CATS) in Seattle, Washington

At CATS, we treat a broad range of issues including ADHD, anxiety, autism, emotion dysregulation, and other challenging behaviors. We offer services for children, teens, and young adults. Our team relies on the creative delivery of evidence-based treatment approaches. In addition to our treatment services, we offer comprehensive assessment/ evaluation services.

To learn more about services at CATS, send us a message today through our Contact Page!

"Only Mommy Does It!": A Child Therapist’s Perspective About When Kids Play Favorites with Their Parents