Teens, Emotions, and Mental Health: Why What Parents Say Matters
A Parent’s Guide to Creating a Calmer Home and Supporting Emotional Recovery
When a child or teen is struggling with mental health challenges, parents often feel unsure about what to say, how to act, or how to help. You might feel like you're walking on eggshells, worried that anything you say could make things worse. It's hard to watch someone you love go through a tough time—and even harder when you're not sure how to support their recovery.
One powerful concept that can help families support their child’s mental health is something called Expressed Emotion (EE). Understanding this idea can make a big difference in how your child feels at home and how quickly they recover.
What Is Expressed Emotion (EE)?
The concept of Expressed Emotion (EE) comes from research about how families can best support mental health recovery in teens and young adults. EE refers to the emotional tone of the family environment. EE reflects how family members talk to and about the person who is struggling. EE looks at three main factors:
Criticism: How often a family member expresses disapproval or judgment toward the child.
Anger: How much anger, blame, or resentment is directed at the child.
Emotional Involvement/ Intrusiveness: How anxious, controlling, or overly protective a caregiver becomes.
Studies have shown that when there is high EE in a family, it can make it harder for kids and teens to manage conditions like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even ADHD. But when families work to reduce EE and create a calmer, more supportive environment, kids tend to feel better and recover faster.
Why Expressed Emotion Matters
Few things are more heartbreaking than seeing a child or teen struggle with their mental health. Kids develop mental health challenges for many reasons, often related to their own brain wiring and temperaments. But how we respond as parents does matter. Just like a calm voice can soothe a crying baby, a calm household can help soothe a stressed-out teen. It’s understandable that parents, out of worry and despair, may resort to frustration and criticism. Parents may feel compelled to try to talk sense into their distressed teen. Often, though, these efforts can backfire. A home that feels steady, warm, and understanding - without being overaccommodating - can give children the support they need to get better.
What High Expressed Emotion Might Look Like at Home
When parents feel helpless and worried, it’s not uncommon to shift into these kinds of emotional expressions. Here are some common examples:
Saying things like, "Why does this have to be such a big deal? You’ll be fine!"
Showing frustration when your child doesn’t respond to your efforts to help.
Hovering over your child because you're so worried something will go wrong.
Expressing overwhelm or resentment because nothing seems to work.
By recognizing these patterns and making gentle shifts, you are helping your child to recover faster.
How to Reduce Expressed Emotion at Home
The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect. You just need to aim for progress, not perfection. Here are some ways to reduce EE in your home:
1. Use Words That Heal
Supportive Phrases to Use with Your Child or Teen
“I can see you're having a hard time.”
“Let’s figure this out together.”
“I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“I’m listening.”
“Your feelings matter.”
2. Lower the Pressure
Sometimes, our worries make us push kids to "fix it now." But recovery takes time. Focus on small steps, not perfection. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes.
3. Give Space When Needed
Overinvolvement can feel smothering to kids. Instead of jumping in right away, try asking, “Do you want help with that, or do you want to try it yourself first?”
4. Take Care of Yourself
If you're running on empty, it’s hard to stay calm. Make time for your own well-being—whether that’s a walk, a friend, or a therapist of your own. Parent coaching can be a key component of your child’s care.
5. Model Emotional Regulation
Show your child how you handle stress. Saying things like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths,” teaches them how to manage big emotions.
What Kids Say About Homes That are Low in Expressed Emotion
When researchers ask kids what helps them feel safe and supported at home, they often say things like:
“I like when my parents stay calm, even when I’m upset.”
“It helps when they don’t freak out about everything.”
“When they just sit with me instead of trying to fix it, I feel less alone.”
These small shifts make a big difference. Kids don’t need parents to solve every problem—they need to know they’re loved and accepted, even when they’re struggling.
Final Thoughts
If your child is dealing with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health challenge, you’re already doing something important by learning more. Understanding EE is one powerful step toward creating a healing home environment. You don’t need to say everything perfectly. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just showing up with calm, steady, and supportive energy can be the anchor your child needs. With warmth, patience, and care, your home can be the place where healing begins.
The Role of Parents in Therapy at Child and Teen Solutions in Seattle, Washington
Our team specializes in working with families who are worried about their child or teen’s mental health. We involve parents as key partners in their child’s treatment. families who are looking to address challenges such as depression, anxiety, and emotion dysregulation. If you are worried about your child’s mental health, please reach out today. We offer both in-person and online services for families in Washington State.
